Strengths, Setbacks and Small Victories

Almost seven weeks ago, I had my phase 2 surgery, and the recovery has been a journey of patience and resilience. We arrived at the hospital by 5 AM since I was first on the docket, and by 1 PM, we were back home. We might have been home even sooner, but my body has its own post-anesthesia routine. My resting heart rate naturally runs low, and after surgery, it dipped lower than the hospital staff was comfortable with, setting off alarms and prompting gentle reminders from Stephen to take deep breaths. All I wanted to do was sleep, but Stephen, ever my advocate, told me, "If you do not wake up and breathe, you do not get to go home!" At last, I was stable enough to their liking, and we were discharged and headed home.

Coming home, I faced familiar restrictions from my first surgery—no lifting my arms over my shoulders, no carrying anything over 5 lbs, sleeping on my back and at an incline, and avoiding repetitive movements. Now, nearly seven weeks later, I still have some limitations, but there is progress. My lifting restrictions are easing gradually, and I am slowly regaining the ability to reach above my head. I can finally cook, wash dishes, and tend to the farm animals again. Folding clothes and doing laundry have become small victories, though bending over is still a challenge, so I accept help where needed. Ava, our granddaughter, still comes to clean the house once a week, and honestly, that is the best investment in my well-being, as well as easing the load for Stephen!

This surgery brought more than just physical adjustments—it brought healing in unexpected ways. Dr. Nagel refined my abdominal incision, transforming a jagged, gnarly scar into a clean, straight line. He also performed fat grafting—what I fondly call "fluff"—to balance and lift my breasts, improving symmetry and softening the scars. The fat was harvested from my hips, buttocks, and pubic area through liposuction, which, as I had been warned, was incredibly painful. I also came home with three drains: one for my hip and two for my breasts. Dr. Nagel was meticulous in ensuring a smooth healing process, and I am grateful for his thoroughness. The breast drains were removed after a week, and the hip drain at 1 ½ weeks. I also had a special tape and bandage over my abdomen, which had to stay in place until my follow-up, which meant I had to shower backward again. This was a not so fun challenge, but at least I had prior experience!

One of the best tips I received from women in my support groups was to use Arnica Gel and Arnica tablets for post-surgery healing. I started the tablets two days before surgery and applied the gel to my bruises afterward. I truly believe they made a remarkable difference in my pain management and overall recovery.

The biggest challenge of this recovery has been my own impatience. Feeling better than I did after my first surgery gave me a false sense of readiness, and I learned the hard way that healing cannot be rushed. At two weeks post-op, I pushed or pulled something on my left arm/breast area, setting myself back and requiring physical therapy a couple of times a week. It has been frustrating, but I am learning to listen to my body and honor its need for time. Healing is not just about physical strength—it is about patience, acceptance, and grace.

Now that I am finally cleared for exercise, I am approaching it with mindfulness, taking it slow to avoid any setbacks. We have a trip planned in a little over a month, and I want to be fully present and able to enjoy it without limitations.

Stephen has been ever so gracious and loving throughout this whole process, making sure that I am well taken care of and not letting me overdo anything. His support, patience, and encouragement have been a steady source of comfort and strength for me, and I am beyond grateful for him and his unwavering love he has for me.

This recovery journey has been humbling. It has tested my patience, deepened my appreciation for small victories, and reminded me that true healing goes beyond the physical. Each day, I grow stronger, not just in body but in spirit. And for that, I am grateful.

TNBC AWARENESS DAY

Today is March 3rd, which is also Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) Awareness Day! This day is dedicated to spreading knowledge about TNBC, a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer that accounts for 10 to 20 percent of all breast cancer cases.

What Makes Triple Negative Breast Cancer Different? To understand what makes TNBC unique, it helps to know some breast cancer basics. Doctors determine the type of breast cancer by testing for specific receptors on cancer cells. These receptors—proteins that bind to substances in the body to cause a reaction—include the estrogen receptor (ER), progesterone receptor (PR), and human epidermal growth factor receptor 2 (HER2).

Unlike other breast cancers, triple-negative breast cancer is negative for all three of these receptors. This means it does not have ER, PR, or HER2 receptors, making it unresponsive to many common targeted therapies, such as tamoxifen (which targets the estrogen receptor) and trastuzumab (Herceptin, which targets HER2).

Treatment Challenges and Options Since hormone therapies and HER2-targeted treatments are not effective, TNBC is typically treated with chemotherapy, which has shown to be the most effective approach. However, ongoing research is exploring new treatment options, including immunotherapy and clinical trials, offering hope for more targeted and effective treatments in the future.

Who Is at Risk? TNBC is more common in younger women under the age of 50 and disproportionately affects African American women, though it can impact individuals of all races. TNBC is known for being aggressive and fast-growing, and it is more likely to spread to other parts of the body.

Oddly enough, my breast cancer was estrogen positive and our daughter’s breast cancer was triple negative. She has her checkups yearly in September and is NED (no evidence of disease)! She found the lump three months after an ‘all clear’ checkup, which is why it is so important to do self exams as well as imaging. Knowing your body is so very important.

Have you had your yearly mammogram?

Buy The Tickets!

I follow a few musicians on Facebook, one of them being Harry Connick, Jr. Back in September, he posted that he would be doing a tribute concert to Cole Porter; however, this concert would be in New York. When I mentioned this to Stephen, his response was immediate and unwavering: "Buy the tickets." I hesitated for a moment, "You know this concert is in New York, right?" He simply smiled and said, "So, buy the tickets." So I bought the tickets that very day for a show in February… in New York!

New York holds a special place in our hearts. We have visited in the spring, fall, and winter, and each trip has given us unforgettable memories. At one point, we almost moved there in 2015 due to a potential job opportunity, but life led us to Alabama and then Texas instead. Still, every time we return, it feels like a home away from home. The food, the energy, the endless adventures—it's all so intoxicating. We always seek out new experiences, but there is one constant in our visits: a stop at Librae Bakery, a place that feels like a cozy embrace in the midst of the bustling city.

Our journey began in the early hours of the morning, catching a 6 AM flight and landing in New York around 10:30 AM. We travel light, just one backpack and two carry-ons, which makes navigating the bus and subway so much easier—and cheaper! This time, I felt a special kind of gratitude. My health has improved, and I was able to help with our luggage, a simple task that reminded me of how far I have come. Our trip began on a perfect note when our hotel graciously allowed us an early check-in. After settling in, we took a moment to soak in the excitement before heading out into the city.

Our first stop? Librae Bakery, of course. As we sipped our coffee and indulged in their exquisite pastries, we let the city begin to weave its magic around us. Next, we ventured out for some shopping. Stephen found a beautiful wool winter coat—and to our delight, it was on sale! Back home, we had searched for the perfect coat but had come up empty-handed. This serendipitous find felt like a small victory, a sign that this trip was going to be something special.

That evening, we dressed up for a night out in the city. Our dinner reservations were at Thai Villa, a restaurant I had discovered through one of my New York Facebook groups. It exceeded all expectations. Their espresso martinis were heavenly, and we put our trust in the waiter to choose our dishes. Every bite was divine. As we left the restaurant, a soft rain began to fall, making the city streets glisten under the lights. We hurried to the subway, eager not to be late for our next adventure.

"Harry Potter and the Cursed Child" was playing on Broadway, and we had scored half-price tickets. The special effects were breathtaking, and the story transported us to another world. For those few hours, we were spellbound, caught in the magic of the performance.

The next morning, we set out in search of breakfast and coffee. We found ourselves at the Central Park Diner, a charming little spot with a nostalgic feel. Their French toast didn't quite match the picture, but it was still comforting in its own way. I have high standards when it comes to French toast, but the real star of the morning was the coffee, which was simply perfect.

With coffee in hand, we set out to explore the city. We love looking at the old buildings and the fascinating architecture. We headed back to the hotel to change for our concert. We were seeing Harry Connick Jr at The Metropolitan Opera. As expected, Harry did not disappoint. His music and storytelling were mesmerizing. We learned a lot about Cole Porter and all of his accomplishments. After the show, we headed back to the hotel to rest up before our dinner reservations. For dinner, we decided to return to a restaurant that we had discovered last Spring with Taylor and Kendeal. It is called the Red Onion and has the best Indian food. We ordered the samosa chaat, butter chicken, garlic naan, and masala chai tea. The best thing of the evening is the owner remembered Stephen from our previous visit. We then took a stroll up the street for dessert, and had a strawberry Nutella crepe. I wanted to head in to the tattoo shop next door, In Due Time, for my NY tattoo; however, since my surgery was in less than a week, it was not advisable. I will be back and I will get that tattoo!

Sunday morning we tried Carnegie Diner and Cafe - Stephen had the egg and pastrami sandwich while I had their eggs benedict, another one of my favorites! This restaurant did not disappoint. We had found a little coffee shop down the block and headed there after breakfast for another cup of coffee and headed out to the Grand Bazaar for a little flea market shopping. I saw a few items that I would definitely add to my collection IF we lived in New York. However, I settled for just browsing at this time. For lunch we grabbed a hot dog from a street vendor and ended up at Atlantic Grill for dinner. It was a quiet little place and had delicious sushi and filet mignon.

On our last day, we again went back to the Carnegie Diner and Cafe for breakfast where I tried the Nutella French Toast and Stephen had the omelet. The table next to us was celebrating a birthday, and had the brownie milkshake - it was crazy huge! We then made our way to this little pottery shop I found and of course I had to buy the spoons and a mixing bowl (IYKYK) to bring back home. Our last stop before heading to the airport was trying to locate the pizza place in Brooklyn we had found back in 2018. A little google sleuthing, and I was victorious. We took the subway and headed to Brooklyn. The pizza and garlic knots were exactly as we remembered them.

I am grateful for all of the exercising and walking I do every day, as it has made this trip much easier. As I reflect on our time in New York, my heart feels full. It wasn’t just about the concert, the food, or the city itself—it was about the joy of experiencing it all with Stephen by my side. Life is made up of these moments, the ones that make you pause and feel profoundly grateful. And this trip? It was one of those moments I will always cherish.

Phase 2 is scheduled!

In less than a week, I’ll be seven months out from my bilateral mastectomy (BMX) with immediate DIEP flap breast reconstruction. DIEP flap reconstruction is an intricate and highly specialized surgery requiring exceptional skill and expertise. The process of finding a qualified microsurgeon can be daunting for many breast cancer patients. Fortunately—or perhaps unfortunately—I already knew of an excellent surgeon, Dr. Nagel, because of my daughter’s cancer and reconstruction surgery in 2020. Dr. Nagel and his associates, including his identical twin brother, exclusively treat breast cancer patients, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have them on my team. Dr. Nagel’s work is nothing short of amazing.

Breast reconstruction is a process, typically not just a single procedure. While some patients may only need one surgery, others go through multiple stages depending on healing, potential complications, and the need for refinements. Here’s a breakdown of the typical stages:

Phase 1: The Initial Surgery

In Phase 1, tissue—including skin and fat—is taken from the lower abdominal area and transferred to create new breast mounds. Blood vessels are meticulously harvested and reconnected in the chest to ensure proper blood flow. This stage is essential for establishing the foundation of the reconstructed breasts and ensuring the tissue’s survival.

Phase 2: The Revision Stage

Phase 2 focuses on refining the results of the initial surgery. This might include removing excess scar tissue, addressing asymmetries, or correcting any irregularities that may have arisen during healing. For many patients, this phase is also an opportunity to resolve lingering discomfort or issues from Phase 1.

Phase 3: Final Touches

If needed, Phase 3 typically involves fat grafting to refine the shape and contour of the breast mounds further. Not everyone requires this phase, as some refinements can be completed during Phase 2.

Since early last fall, I’ve been waiting for my Phase 2 consultation and scheduling. Almost two weeks ago, I finally had my appointment with Dr. Nagel. I was thrilled to receive the call and even more excited when they called last week to schedule the surgery. Dr. Nagel wanted to ensure my body was fully healed from Phase 1 before moving forward, which is why we waited until the new year to plan the next step.

You might be wondering why I’d choose to undergo another surgery after finally feeling healed. The main reason is my abdomen. I’ve been experiencing discomfort along my abdomen incision with certain clothing, and also have some knots under the incision. Dr. Nagel will address these issues during Phase 2 and fine-tune my breasts at the same time. If everything goes as planned, I shouldn’t need a Phase 3 surgery. February 7th will be the day - less than three weeks! I am beyond excited and nervous at the same time. Thankfully, recovery time will be less and should only be out of work for a week.

Reflecting on this journey, I’m reminded of how much patience and resilience it takes to navigate having a mastectomy and DIEP breast reconstruction. While the process can be long and sometimes frustrating, having a skilled and compassionate surgical team makes all the difference. I’m grateful for the choice of utilizing my own body for the reconstruction and not having something foreign in my body, as I am not certain how my body would have reacted. While the recovery has had its challenging moments, I am proud of the progress I’ve made and remain optimistic about the next phase of my journey.

Much Love,

Deandra

The Importance of Advocacy

When I first went in for my diagnostic mammogram and biopsy, the radiologist already suspected something was wrong. The nurse navigator asked me if I had a surgeon and team ready. Thinking back to that conversation still feels like a gut punch—you’re never really prepared to hear something like that. At the time, I was already talking with Lauren, who shared the information for her breast surgeon, oncologist, and plastic surgeon.

Having breast cancer is not a "one and done" experience. You don’t just have surgery and get cured. It’s a journey, and you need to feel comfortable with your medical team because they will be with you for many years. From the beginning, I didn’t click with the medical oncologist (MO) we shared. There were small things that didn’t feel right, and even Stephen had concerns. However, I adored her nurse—she was so sweet, upbeat, and positive, and I’ll miss her.

Since my breast cancer is estrogen-positive, it requires a hormone blocker to stop its growth. There are two types: aromatase inhibitors (AIs) and Tamoxifen. For my type of breast cancer, research shows that AIs are more effective for postmenopausal women. My local MO initially prescribed Tamoxifen for two reasons: she believed I wasn’t in menopause and felt the side effects were easier. I immediately told her I wasn’t taking the hormone blocker for its side effects—I was taking it to lessen the chance of recurrence.

My MO seemed puzzled, as other women my age were in menopause, yet my lab work suggested otherwise. Twice, she ordered blood work that showed higher-than-normal estrogen levels for a postmenopausal woman. At 55 years old, having had a partial hysterectomy at 36, I was pretty sure I was in menopause. I reached out to my gynecologist, who explained that my MO was ordering the wrong tests. Instead of measuring total estrogen, which fluctuates, she needed to check estradiol levels to determine menopause status. My gynecologist also noted that having a hysterectomy at a young age typically induces earlier menopause.

At my next appointment, I requested the estradiol test. The results confirmed I was in menopause. She then prescribed Letrozole, an AI, and I stopped taking Tamoxifen. This was a significant relief for me, as I wanted the treatment that would best combat my cancer.

In early September, I contacted MD Anderson to set up an appointment with a specialist in invasive lobular carcinoma (ILC). Initially, I sought a second opinion because ILC is less common than invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC), and I wanted to make sure my local MO was on the right track. MD Anderson scheduled me with Dr. Mouabbi for December 16. Preparing for the trip, I reached out to my brother-in-law, who graciously offered his home for our stay.

After MD Anderson retested my tissue, I learned something new: my pathology didn’t just show ILC. It revealed Invasive Tubulolobular Carcinoma, a rare type of breast cancer, along with IDC, LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma in situ a non-cancerous condition, which has a risk of developing into breast cancer in the future) and Focal DCIS (Focal ductal carcinoma in situ refers to a type of early stage breast cancer but has not spread to surrounding tissue and is non-invasive). Additionally, they found isolated tumor cells (ITCs) in one lymph node. I also have lymphovascular invasion (LVI), which is where cancer cells grow into or move into blood vessels or lymph nodes. While the prognosis for Tubulolobular breast cancer is generally good, the presence of LVI adds complexity to my case. I am grateful that my cancer was caught early and that I have a good prognosis, though the possibility of recurrence will always linger as an unwanted guest in the back of my mind.

The care I received at MD Anderson was a night-and-day difference from my local experience. Their nurse navigator called every two weeks to check on me, offer assistance, and ensure I felt supported. This level of care contrasted sharply with my local navigator, whom I only heard from once. After transferring my care to Dr. Mouabbi, I knew I had made the right decision.

Doctors work for us, not the other way around. They are human and can make mistakes, but it’s essential to advocate for yourself. When something feels off, listen to your instincts. My local MO mistakenly documented that I’d had an oophorectomy (removal of ovaries), which I hadn’t, and downplayed side effects I was experiencing. These errors reaffirmed my decision to transition to MD Anderson.

Looking ahead, I’ll continue seeing Dr. Mouabbi every six months and remain on Letrozole for five years. My next step is an appointment with Dr. Nagel, my breast reconstruction surgeon, to plan phase two of my reconstruction and, hopefully, my final surgery.

Breast cancer is a journey that teaches you resilience and the importance of self-advocacy. Surround yourself with a team you trust and never hesitate to seek second opinions. Your health is worth it.

Much love,

Deandra

Birthday Visit with Old Friends

A little over 12 years ago in a land far away, we met an amazing group of people. We came from different walks of life—military personnel, contractors, and locals—but each week, we gathered together like a family. Our ‘family’ meals were a chance to relax, share stories, and enjoy each other’s company during a time when we were all far from home. For some, it was the only ‘family’ interaction they had during their time in Bahrain.

Fast forward to this year, and two of my favorite people from that unforgettable group came to visit. Though their stay was short, it was such a sweet reunion, packed with laughter, food, and memories.

We kicked off the visit with a trip to Babe’s Chicken Dinner House in Roanoke, Texas, a spot that had been on their restaurant bucket list. And let me tell you—Babe’s did not disappoint. The original location, with its cozy charm, offers a simple but mouthwatering menu: chicken-fried steak, fried chicken (three pieces!), or chicken tenders. The meal comes with a side of salad, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, and the softest, fluffiest biscuits you can imagine—all served family style. As we dug into our plates, we caught up on life, reminisced about old times - there’s something about shared food that makes everything feel like home.

Afterward, we went next door to the Oak Street Pie Company, a family-run bakery that’s been serving up sweet treats since 2006. We couldn’t resist getting a slice (or three) of their signature pies: Mexican Hot Chocolate Pie, Key Lime Pie, and Chocolate Cream Pie. Talk about a sugar rush!

But the night didn’t end there. A visit to Fort Worth wouldn’t be complete without a stop at Buc-ee’s—because really, everyone needs to experience Buc-ee’s at least once. Whether it’s the endless rows of snacks or the cleanest bathrooms in the world, Buc-ee’s is an experience all its own. After a quick pit stop, we headed to the house where our friends would be staying during their visit.

It was a busy first day, and after a long day of travel, they were ready for rest. But not before the guys made plans for an adventure the next day.

Thursday was my birthday, and I couldn’t have asked for a better way to celebrate than with friends by my side. While Nancy and I worked, the guys went off to Dallas to visit the grassy knoll and explore the Dallas Museum of Art. We wrapped up the day with a visit to Hard 8 BBQ for dinner—one of my favorite spots. There’s something about great barbecue and good company that makes any occasion feel special. Surrounded by loved ones, we shared stories, laughed, and just enjoyed being together. It was a birthday spent exactly how I wanted—surrounded by the people who mean the most, reflecting on how far we’ve come, and savoring the little moments that matter.

Nancy and I both worked on Friday (somebody has to, lol), while Stephen and Yosef went off on adventures once again. They went back to Buc-ee’s, made a stop at Costco, and even checked out a few antique and thrift stores. We all met up for some Tex-Mex for dinner and ended the evening with a cake shake at Portillo’s for dessert. The perfect way to keep the celebration going!

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Saturday brought even more fun, as we ventured out to the Fort Worth Stockyards and caught a true Texas experience—the rodeo! There’s something about the energy of a live rodeo that makes you feel like you’re right in the heart of the Lone Star State. We watched cowboys and cowgirls show off their skills, cheered on the rodeo clowns, and soaked in all the action. Afterward, we witnessed the famous longhorn cattle drive, tried on a few cowboy hats, and Yosef had his picture taken with one of the longhorns. It’s the kind of day that makes you feel like a true Texan.

We capped off the day with a home-cooked meal —grilled picanha, roasted Brussels sprouts, and a slice of Texas chocolate sheet cake. We laughed, reminisced, and savored the moment—because sometimes, it’s the simplest things that leave the most lasting impressions.

As I reflect on these days spent with friends, I’m reminded of something that’s become clearer especially over this past year: it’s not the grand gestures that make life meaningful, but the quiet, everyday moments shared with people who matter. We might be scattered across different states and countries, but the bonds we formed over a decade ago remain as strong as ever.

It’s easy to let time and distance separate us from those we care about. So, here’s to the friends who feel like family, to the shared meals, and to the memories that remind us we’re never really that far apart.

Love you guys, and thank you for making this birthday extra special!

Unwanted Patterns

This past week I was thinking back about all that has happened in our family, medical wise, and it seems every four years a bomb is dropped on our family. The word oncology is not foreign to our family. When we arrived back in the states from being overseas, I made appointments for health checkups for Stephen and myself; and to our surprise one of Stephen’s labs came back abnormal. I love to be able to see our labs and reports online, however, sometimes this can be detrimental if you are prone to google. I was able to research the abnormality and knew what it was before we saw the doctor, again Google is not always your friend. In 2016, Stephen was diagnosed with MGUS which is a precursor to Multiple Myeloma - it is a blood cancer and the same cancer that took his Aunt Pat. He sees an oncologist yearly as well as a kidney doctor. I remember sitting at the restaurant after learning all of this and literally could not breathe thinking of losing my best friend. I dread each year when it is time for the labs and his appointment to see if any are abnormal and what the doctor will say. Thankfully, it has not progressed and is still dormant.

Fast forward to fall of 2020, and our sweet daughter is diagnosed with Triple Negative IDC (invasive ductal carcinoma) breast cancer. She found the lump three months after an ‘all clear’ checkup. This is why it is so important to do self exams as well as imaging. Her whole world was turned upside down with one phone call. She endured chemo to shrink ‘Arnold’, her tumor as she so loving named it, and then a double mastectomy with immediate DIEP reconstruction. Her journey lasted over two years with multiple surgeries and many issues. We were reminiscing earlier this week about a vacation we took to Destin two years ago and how short her hair was then. Imagine a short, poodly pixie hairstyle - she hated it and her hair has finally grown out and is now way past her shoulders. She has now graduated to once a year scans and bloodwork to monitor her cancer. She is still in remission and will continue to have her cancer monitored for clearance.

Now, it is 2024, and on Stephen’s birthday, of all days, I found a small lump under my arm near my right breast. I remember walking in to Lauren’s office, shutting her door and asking her check it. She looked at me and said, “nope, not today ma’am. We are not doing this” - not meaning she wouldn’t do it, she just knew what ‘it’ could mean and did not want to imagine that reality. We both thought it was not any more than a bug bite, but she told me to call our gynecologist and have it checked out anyway to be certain. It seemed so inconsequential, I almost canceled my appointment twice before being seen. That inconsequential lump turned out to be so much more than a bug bite and has totally rocked our world one more time. It led to a whirlwind of events - appointments, exams, biopsies, MRIs, CTA scans, then ultimately my own double mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction. There seems to be a pattern for our family every four years and I am praying over 2028 to just be a normal, boring year.

The reality of these events is slowly sinking in, and I have less surreal days wondering if this is all still real. Your mind has a funny way of protecting yourself, shielding events and emotions to help you make it through one more day. Some days, it is easy to forget that almost six months ago I had major surgery and looking at me, you would not know my body is still healing. Yes, you see a skinnier me but you do not see the struggles that are going on on the inside - both mentally and physically. Heck, I even think I can still do things that I probably should not be doing. All three of the wounds on my left hip healed up nicely right before Thanksgiving; however, this week two of three spots reopened again. I think my body misread the memo of closing all wounds for my birthday and instead did the opposite. To say that I am over this is an understatement. Lauren thinks I am doing too much, so I am going to try to scale back to really let my body heal. The rest of the year there will be a lot of resting and doing only what is necessary to really allow my body to heal.

Our Legacy

Stephen and I have known each other since 8th-9th grade roughly 40+ years, and married for over 34 years. During that time, we have lived in 5 states, 2 countries, and have raised 4 amazing children. We have so many memories and stories, however, the greatest part of our story is our children. We have six amazing children and 5 grandchildren with one on the way! In 2018, the kids gift to us for Christmas was a family portrait. So much has changed since that picture - we have added two grandchildren, been through two cancers and felt it was time for an update.

It was quite the time trying to find a Saturday that everyone had open and available, however, we finally nailed one down, and even Stephen’s brother and his boys came to join in the fun. My whole heart is in these pictures and I hope you enjoy them as much as I do

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Time Together

We have always believed in dating and spending time together. During these past few months, finding those moments away from the house have been few - mostly because life is tiring right now and honestly it is just easier staying home. This past week I had a lymphatic massage that focused on the abdominal incision to help with the fat necrosis or scar tissue issues (unsure which they are). She also used these massage boots for my legs and feet for my swelling issues. While it was not a full body massage, it helped tremendously and she also showed me how to do the massage myself. I had never had a lymphatic massage so in my mind, I was thinking it would be an all over massage, which I have not had since prior to my surgery so I had really been looking forward to this; however, this is more of a physical therapy massage dedicated to focus on problem areas. Knowing we both needed some TLC, I decided to plan a date day for us this Saturday. Thankfully I was able to get all the reservations scheduled.

First stop was PJs Coffee in N Richland Hills for a coffee flight. I am in a group on Facebook called Fort Worth Foodies and someone mentioned their coffee flight and beignets. Um, hello, you had me at beignets! We both chose two different coffees, two hot and two cold and placed our order. PJs had comfy couches so we settled in and waited for our order. The hot coffees were Butter Rum and Cookie Butter - both were delicious! The cold coffees were cold brews - Jingle Bells and Santas Blend. We preferred the hot coffees, however, we would definitely go back for the beignets - it made me miss NOLA!

He is very ticklish! We all laugh when the torture begins, well all, but Stephen 

Next, we went to our favorite salon for a pedicure. Pedicures has a place in our monthly budget. I believe self care is important and it is time spent together as well. I was able to secure our favorite techs, Tiffany and Linda, for our reservation. Linda had been on vacation so Stephen has had different techs during her vacation, we loved hearing her stories of her travels and were glad she had time away. He definitely was glad to have her back though!

Not wanting to do a massage on an empty stomach, I once again looked to Fort Worth Foodies to the rescue for lunch. Someone had recommended Hush Sushi in Keller. They have a patio for outside seating as well sushi bar and tables. We had Shishito peppers and BaoBao (braised pork belly, cucumber, scallions with bao bun) for our appetizers. Stephen loves Shishito peppers and they did not disappoint. I had never had BaoBao and was glad to venture out and try something new. The bread and sauce were a little sweet, and the pork belly was tender and very flavorful. Stephen, of course, for his meal ordered sushi and I had a Crazy Ami roll and chicken fried rice. This is definitely a restaurant we would choose again.

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Now, we were off to our couples massage. This by far is my favorite part of today though, honestly, I was a little apprehensive. I have trouble laying on my sides, and have not laid on my stomach at all since my surgery and was unsure of how I would handle the pressure. One of my DIEP flap groups on Facebook recommended using a massage breast pillow. OMG - I do not know who came up with this design but it made my experience quite enjoyable. I did not have any difficulties with pressure on my chest area or along my incision. We love having couples massages and I was glad for him to be able to have a some self care to help relieve some of the stress of the past year. We left feeling very relaxed and ready for a nap.

Date days are my favorite, though really any day spent together is my favorite thing to do! Make sure you take time for yourself and time together with your partner. It is important to spend time together to cultivate your relationship.

Have a blessed week

~ deandra

Finding my way

We are six months out to the day that I found my ‘lump’, and almost five months out from surgery. Everything looks ‘normal’ yet I am still healing on the inside. To the average person, you probably would not notice anything different, except when you see my stand up as I am a little slower than usual. The knots in my incision still give me issues; however, the days are becoming easier with movement, only a little tightness in the abdomen (this can last up to a year). The ‘foobs’ are doing great, and only have pain in them every now and again. The left hip is still giving me grief as it is not completely healed, but slowly we are getting there. There were three holes in total, now just two, so we are making progress. I am hoping to have this part done before Thanksgiving or at least my birthday - that would be a great present to myself! And I actually wore a pair of leggings this past weekend, and was able to wear them all day without too many issues. It is the little things! Who knew I would miss wearing pants so much.

I know it has been a couple of weeks since I have posted. I look at my computer, and think, I really need to fire it up and journal this week. And then I find a dozen other reasons not to because when I sit down and gather my thoughts, it brings up all the memories and the what if’s of this journey, and to be honest, it is difficult to sit there amongst it all. Journaling is a healing process, yet at the same time a struggle. Stephen asked me last night how I was, and my response was I am surviving. I could tell by his response that he was not happy with that answer; however, that was the honest truth. Some days I just want to scream and cry because I am tired - physically, mentally, and emotionally. There are days, I do just that…I cry and let it out, or I sing really loud to my music to push through it. Music is more than sound; it’s a vibration that resonates with the very core of our being. It speaks the language of the soul, stirring forgotten memories and evoking emotions too complex for speech. There are times when no advice or conversation will help, but hearing that one song sometimes is all that is needed to extend a lifeline to help you breathe and feel yourself again. So if you see my jamming along in the car - join in or just ignore me because sometimes you need a good jam session to make your day better.

It is messy, the space in between. The diagnosis and first surgery chapter is closed, and now you are in recovery and waiting for the next part. I am trying to move forward, yet I almost feel stuck as I need the last of the puzzle pieces to come together so we can hopefully close the surgery chapter for good. The waiting can be very hard, and February seems so far off, yet the year is almost over. Still unsure how it is already November. I have a second opinion with a specialist in December. I am wanting a few answers that I feel my current oncologist is unable to provide, so we are headed to MD Anderson to see Dr. Mouabbi and possibly transfer care to him.

I am finding this part of the journey is for healing and waiting; and I am slowly learning that it is okay to be in this space right now. Healing isn’t about the clock or calendar, it’s about choosing to keep going, no matter how slow, one moment at a time. I will try to not to wait so long for the next post. Have a beautiful week and enjoy each moment!

Much love,

Deandra

Anger Stage

As I sit here drinking my coffee and sharing my thoughts, I realize I am angry. I am angry at what all has been taken from me and my family. My body, my peace of mind, and my confidence have all been effected and I am trying each day to combat each of those and have a more positive outlook.

My body, to me, is mutilated - I have mounds where my breasts used to be with circles instead of an areola or nipples. Now with clothes on they look normal but underneath tells a different story. I am very fortunate as mine have not rejected anything or had an infection. The left breast tried to give us issues along the lower incision as it was taking a little longer to heal; however it is finally smoothing out. I long for the end of next year when I can tattoo them and cover up the scars and find a way to accept them as they are. The incision that stretches from hip to hip actually does not bother me as much. The setbacks I am having are frustrating and bring me down right now more than anything else. We are coming into Fall where pants are worn more. I am having hard time wearing pants currently because of the issue of the open incision and the necrosis along the incision line as well. Anything that constricts that area causes pain. So you will more than likely see me in dresses, skirts or my new favorite OVERALLS! I have found some cute ones and love them! I am having to outfit a whole new wardrobe, something you do not really think about during all of this.

I had to fight with the insurance company last week. I was trying to refill my last bottle of Tamoxifen, and they stated for insurance to cover it, I would have to transfer it to a different pharmacy AND get a new 90 day prescription. I see my oncologist next month to see if I will be staying on this medication or moving to a different estrogen blocker. I told the insurance company they are basically wanting me to spend more money to get the 90 day refill which I may or may not need, plus switch my prescription to a different pharmacy that may or may not have the brand that I have to take. I called around to several different pharmacies as I already know that I cannot take the Aurobindo brand (or the Mayne brand because it uses the same fillers), and literally every pharmacy around me and CVS Caremark dispenses both of those brands. I finally found a pharmacy that had the Mylan brand, and with the goodRX coupon it will only cost me $20 out of pocket. It was important to me to make sure that I kept the side effects as minimal as possible, even though I knew there would be side effects that I would have to combat like possible mood swings, fatigue, hot flashes, and my least favorite weight gain. However, I have worked hard over the past two years to lose weight and be a healthier version of myself. And then BAM, cancer decides to rear its ugly head. Right now, I have to fight twice as hard to keep the weight off and find a way to combat the swelling it causes. I weigh almost every morning, and most days I feel so defeated because right before all of this I almost made it to one of my goals I had set for myself. I am trying hard not to let the scale have control over my feeling good or bad about myself. I am learning that this is a process, and that with time, I will get there again. It is something I have been researching and working on to find the right answer. As not only do I have to watch what I am eating for possible weight gain, I also have to look at the ingredients to see if there is something that A - interacts with the medication I am taking and B - is there anything that is not recommended due to my cancer being driving by hormones. For example, Turmeric is a wonderful supplement; however, it will negate the effects of my medication so I cannot take it and foods to avoid for estrogen positive breast cancer are citrus fruits, meats with hormones added, milk, and a few others.

I find that music helps my peace of mind because it is wonderful medicine for me. It can totally change my mood for the good or the bad and speaks to my soul. Prior to all of this, I was an avid Audible user and listened to several books a month, not as much as Stephen, but still managed to finish a book a week. During all of this, I found it difficult to quiet my mind and music was my comfort. However, lately, I am finding it easier to listen to my books, which means my mind is lessening the thoughts of worry. I saw my breast surgeon this past week and when she told me that she would see me again in six months, I point blank asked her why. She stated because we cannot guarantee that we can (or did) get everything and you still need to be monitored for reoccurrence. I felt like she hit me with a ton of bricks, as reoccurrence seems to always be in the background screaming at me. Even though right now we are technically in the clear for breast cancer, it remains a cloud overhead, a constant reminder of a potential threat. People callously assume that because the surgery is done that everything is good, no worries, however, this is the farthest from the truth. Like a soldier in the combat zone, we have to constantly be on vigil, even though no bullets are currently flying, there is always the threat of a loaded gun lurking in the shadows.

Global Lobular Breast Cancer Awareness Day

October 15th is Global Lobular Breast Cancer Awareness Day and is to shine a spotlight on the 15% of breast cancer diagnoses each year that are lobular. Lobular Breast Cancer is the 2nd most common type of breast cancer with over 46,000 women diagnosed each year in the US, but it receives less than1% of breast cancer research funding and has no specific treatment. It is a distinct type of breast cancer that may not form a lump, so is often missed on mammograms and diagnosed later when tumors are larger.

Our Marathon

These past few weeks have been a struggle. I cannot seem to find my way through the path I am on right now. They say that Cancer is a marathon, not a race and to pace yourself. I keep remembering back to the beginning and how fast everything seemed to be happening - mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy all the same day - this typically does not happen this way. I was very fortunate, and then for the results. Is it Cancer? Is it something else? I had the whole weekend to ponder and think of the what if’s but already knowing in my mind what the answer was and the storm that was coming. I was being thrown into a marathon that I had not signed up for and desperately wanted not to join. But here I am, here we are in this race.

I had some idea of what to expect next as I had watched my daughter tackle this part of the race. I had a surgeon, plastic surgeon and oncologist all lined and ready for the handoff. It is different when you are a spectator watching the race, offering support and cheering them on; so many things you thought you knew about the race but really had no clue. Now I find myself on the other side wearing the ILC jersey, making sure I have the right attire for this particular part of the journey, i.e. are we eating the right foods, getting enough sleep, do we have enough medical supplies on hand. I am trying to find my pace, sometimes speeding up then realizing I need to slow to a nice and steady pace but so badly want the race to end. We are still in the healing phase and I was reminded of this again last week. I had finally reached a point where NO extra bandages were needed and everything was closed up. And just where I was getting to the point of celebrating, my body said nope, just kidding, and we are back in needing to dress wounds. My left hip which has had no issues this entire time decided it was feeling left out and wanted to join in the fun. I have a small hole that has decided to open up along the incision line and we are now having to dress it twice a day. I, at least, can celebrate the fact that I no longer have to wear extra padding, extra panties to keep everything in place and I no longer have to wear a bra (that is celebratory in and of itself)! We will get through this part, it is just a little frustrating.

Someone in my group said that Cancer can be the best teacher and best journey. You need to pace yourself, take that vacation or spend more time doing the things you love. I realize that this is truly only the beginning of the marathon and I need to slow down, breathe and focus. I will find my way eventually. I just need to take it one day at a time.

Have a beautiful week,

Love, Deandra

In October…

October is breast cancer awareness month. The color pink is everywhere! For many women in my groups, the posts and advertisement irritates them. They see so many companies trying to capitalize on this disease without giving back or helping to find a cure. Some women also have a hard time because it brings back all of the memories associated with their diagnosis and treatment. I choose to see it as awareness, helping remind everyone to have their screening done and to also do monthly self exams. My daughter’s cancer was found 3 months AFTER an examination by her doctor because she did monthly self exams. Knowing your body is so very important. Unsure how to do a proper self breast exam? BreastCancer.org has a 5 step How To for Self Breast Awareness.

Have you had your yearly mammogram? Do you have dense breasts? As of this year, radiologists will have to report the degree of density in your breasts. This is a good thing because highly dense breast tissue is considered a risk factor for developing breast cancer. Dense breast tissue can make mammograms harder to interpret. Talk with your provider and ask if you should have a diagnostic mammogram, MRI or ultrasound instead of a regular mammogram. In the United States, 1 in 8 women will develop breast cancer in her lifetime. It is the second most common type of cancer for women, following skin cancer.

Diagnostic mammograms are not always covered by insurance or require you to pay part of your deductible and can be for so many quite expensive. Do you or someone know need help in obtaining a diagnostic mammogram? There are a number of places that may offer free or low-cost diagnostic mammograms, including: 

• National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program (NBCCEDP): This program from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) provides free or low-cost mammograms to low-income, uninsured, or underserved women. You can contact your local health department or call the CDC at 1-800-CDC-INFO (1-800-232-4636) for more information. 

• National Breast Cancer Foundation: This foundation offers grants for free mammograms and diagnostic services to people with low income, no insurance, or limited insurance coverage. You can search the foundation's National Mammography Program to find facilities near you. 

• American Breast Cancer Foundation (ABCF): This foundation offers screenings and diagnostic tests for people without insurance. You can call the foundation at 1-844-219-2223 or email info@abcf.org to apply for assistance. 

• Local health departments, hospitals, and women's centers: These organizations may offer free or low-cost mammograms. 

• Breast Cancer Awareness events: These events may offer free or reduced-cost mammograms to low-income and uninsured people. 

• Federally Qualified Health Centers: You can contact a local Federally Qualified Health Center for help. 

• Healthcare professionals: You can ask a healthcare professional about patient assistance programs or help locating a program. 

Please call and make an appointment for your mammogram - do not delay!

Have a beautiful week ~

Much Love,

Deandra

Revision vs Revised Perspective

We saw the plastic surgeon this past Thursday. I have been looking forward to this appointment all month. This is when we were to discuss phase 2 which for me would mean doing what he thought needed for the breasts - symmetry and maybe a lift, and also discussing cleaning up of the necrosis in my abdominal incision. On each of my breasts, there is a lollipop scar where they took the nipple and areola. I thought that these would be removed, but he said that they would stay, which surprised me. I was under the impression they draw those in and take that part out, but apparently I was wrong, maybe it is because I am not having nipples done. He said they could do a tattoo of an areola but I really do not want that as I will eventually get a tattoo over both breasts, and I also don’t see the point since there are no nipples. We also talked about needing to remove the necrosis tissue (I have 3 areas along my incision) that need to be removed. These cause pain when going from a sitting to standing position or if I move a certain way, and they also protrude along the incision and make it difficult to wear pants/jeans. He really wants to wait 4-6 months for my body to properly heal so that we do not have any issues like we did with the original reconstruction. So, that means the surgery will not take place until February of next year. My heart sank when he mentioned this, and I am sure as I nodded with understanding and even said out loud, I understand, my eyes told the true story. I mean, I get it, I do, my body needs to heal on the inside COMPLETELY before we go in and fix the issues but that is not what I wanted to hear. I really want this phase to be done and over. I let myself feel the feelings of being sad over this news and then I moved on. I cannot change this outcome and so I felt there is no need to dwell on it after acceptance of it.

Since my lab work still states premenopausal, I am on Tamoxifen for my hormone therapy medication. I started taking this medication earlier this month, and let me tell you the side effects are no joke. There are 7 different brands/manufacturers for this drug. They all use different filler ingredients to make it. My first prescription was filled with Aurobindo, which is the most common, however, it has 8 extra fillers and the side effects were awful. Side effects from these drugs since their goal is to put you in to menopause are hot flashes, weight gain, bone and muscle pain, memory loss and a few others. With this particular brand, I experienced mild hot flashes (so grateful for this). It made my feet swell. I also had extreme exhaustion, flu like symptoms in my legs (all day), tailbone pain, bruised bone pain in the knuckle of one of my fingers, confusion and not being able to remember if I did certain tasks or not. I called my local pharmacy and asked what band they used which is Mylan (only 6 of the possible 15 fillers). I started taking the new brand this past week - oh the difference. While I am still tired, the extreme exhaustion is gone - it was so bad that I would struggle with driving and wanting to pull over and just sleep. The flu like symptoms are not as severe, the tailbone pain is subsiding and easing up, and the confusion and memory issues are gone. I am older so yes, there are still some memory issues (my kids will laugh at this and agree) but nothing like I was experiencing earlier this month. I am considering contacting a compounding pharmacy and having them make this drug without all of the fillers - I mean, seriously, why do they add all of this junk in there? I have also learned that taking this medication at dinner time helps in me not being so tired during the day. I am still struggling with the weight gain, thankfully right now only 5-6 pounds but when you have been trying to lose for over a year and struggled even then, this can be very frustrating. So I am even more vigilant about the types of foods we eat - nothing processed, minimal to no sugar, okay, only Stephen’s homemade cinnamon swirl banana bread - it is sooo good! But we are very careful in what we buy and make sure it is more natural and fresh. I have also started walking every morning before work and it helps with the stiffness and muscle aches.

I meet with the breast surgeon for follow up this coming week and then with my oncologist in November for new blood work and to discuss the medication.

Can you believe September is over? Crazy how fast this year has come and gone!

Much love,

Deandra

Morning reflections

As I sit here this morning waiting for my coffee to finish brewing, I think back over the past four months and the changes we have endured together. There is the innocence phase where you are unaware of anything different going on and you are living life normally. You are making plans and preparations, then you find something that is not quite right and stops you dead in your tracks. Then you have the call or the reading of your results in the portal (at least for me) - this is where things change and you get your diagnosis. In this stage, you are unaware of what is coming but you know life will never be the same. This is when you can experience anxiety, panic and worry wondering what the next steps will be - will I have chemo, radiation, what type of surgery will be recommended. To be honest, I did not dwell too much on chemo, if I needed it then I would face it head on, my true worry was for radiation and would my plastic surgeon accept me and do the surgery (he has a very strict BMI guideline and I was borderline). Then you receive your course of action. For me, it was surgery with reconstruction, then I learned that I did not need radiation nor chemo and would only be put on hormone blockers. Right now, I am in the recovery phase. You are focused on recovery and not much of anything else. We are making sure that everything is completely healed for the next surgery. Once all the surgeries are complete, then we will start life on this new path. However, I still have tiny moments where I forget the journey we have been on the past few months, and in that fleeting moment I do not have cancer, my body has not been mutilated and life is normal - then reality slaps me in the face and I am brought back to our ‘new norm’. It looks the same from the outside, however, if you really look closely you will see the subtle yet drastic differences.

I went back to the office a week and a half ago. Someone at work commented on how I do not seem ‘myself’ and I have thought about that comment most of this week. My diagnosis is still young and fresh. I have had my surgery and I am definitely on the healing and recovery track, but emotionally and mentally it is still raw. It is talked about a lot in my groups, how this diagnosis brings on a period of grief, and life will never be the same again. You have to grieve and learn how to navigate this new path you are on without any true set of directions. Yes, mine was caught early and for that I am extremely grateful as well as not having to have chemo (although that brings relief and guilt, which both are valid); however, life will never be the same again. While I was diagnosed with what they call an ‘early stage’ and is a great prognosis, the toothpaste is out of the tube so to speak and cannot be shoved back in. It is harder for people to see and understand, because you may look great on the outside but so much more is going on that cannot be seen. To be honest, I am not myself, and I am not certain I will ever be that same girl before cancer - I can almost with certainty say that I will not be the same version of her. My focus is different as are my goals in life. I live life right now in the moment making the best of every day with a fear of reoccurrence. It is always there lurking and peering its ugly head in my face. Because my breast cancer is estrogen positive, I have to make sure that I am not feeding the cancer, so I have a list of foods and supplements that are not recommended as they pose a risk of raising the estrogen which can bring back the cancer. I also have a running of list of certain foods and supplements that interfere with the hormone blocker I am on, and is quite the list so far and things you would not think would cause issues but they do.

Life of late has been exhausting, not necessarily physically but oh so mentally and emotionally. I play this song by Ben Rector almost daily, Living My Best Life. Music helps me so much and literally speaks to my soul. I will put the lyrics at the bottom and a link for the song. So much of this song resonates with me right now and I love his music. So if you see me and I do not seem the same or a little off, I ask for some grace during this time as we navigate our new norm and find our way.

Much Love,

Deandra

Living My Best Life - Song by Ben Rector

This house is now a litany
Things I thought I'd never be
A man who has opinions on an ottoman among other things
I used to think I'd miss the road
The crushing fame and sold out shows
I just sing head, shoulders, knees and toes
Like I'd forgotten 'em

But I'm alive and
Baby, I'm thriving
Oh yeah

I'm living my best life
I wake up with the sunrise
It does not look a thing like I thought that it would
I've been getting my steps in
And I sleep with my best friend
It's the best that it has been in a long time
I'm living my best life (living my best life)
Yeah, yeah, living my best life, yeah (living my best life)

Sometimes it sucks to tell the truth
And I took it hard like people do
But I'm learning how to eat the fruit that is in season
Never thought I'd be a grown ass man
But you know what they say of best laid plans
Now I'm holding on to my daughter's hand
I've got a reason

To be alive and
Oh yeah
Baby, I'm thriving
Yeah, yeah

I'm living my best life
I wake up with the sunrise
It does not look a thing like I thought that it would
But I've been getting my steps in
And I sleep with my best friend
It's the best that it has been in a long time
I'm living my best life (living my best life)
Yeah, living my best life, yeah (living my best life)

Come on
I'm living my best life
The best that I can
No more worry or stress life
'Cause I'm done with them
I'm as light as can be
I'm as fresh as a breeze
Right where I wanna be so
If you need to find me

I'll be living my best life
Waking up with the sunrise
Looking at things like what the actual hell
But I've been counting my blessings
And I sleep with my bestfriend
It's the best that it has been for a long time
It's the best that it had been for a long time
I'm living my best life (living my best life)
Yeah, yeah, living my best life, ooh (living my best life)
I've been living my, living my, living my best life, ooh (living my best life)
(Living my best life, ooh)

Education time - different types of Breast Cancer

Did you know that there are at least 15 different types of breast cancer? And that you can have multiple types at the same time. Below are a few of the different types and the rarity (percentages) according to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC)

IDC accounts for 80 percent of breast cancers. Invasive ductal carcinoma begins in the milk duct but has spread outside the duct into other tissues.

Ductal Carcinoma in Situ (DCIS)

DCIS is cancer that began in the milk ducts and has not yet spread. DCIS is usually easy to treat, but it can lead to invasive ductal carcinoma later in life if not treated.

Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC)

ILC accounts for about 10 percent of invasive breast cancers. ILC begins in the lobule of the breast, but it has spread beyond the cells of the lobe into other tissues. This is often called a sneaky cancer because it is so hard to detect.

Lobular Carcinoma In Situ (LCIS)

LCIS is a collection of abnormal cells that forms in the milk-producing cells of the breast. Although the term “carcinoma” implies cancer, the cells in LCIS are not yet cancerous, but they can indicate a higher risk for developing invasive breast cancer later on. LCIS is fairly rare and mostly occurs in women who have not yet entered menopause.

Paget's Disease of the Breast

Also known as Paget’s disease of the nipple, this condition causes an eczema-like appearance to the nipple and areola (the skin surrounding the nipple), which may become red, scaly, and itchy. Nearly all women who develop Paget’s disease of the nipple also have cancer deeper in the breast tissues. Paget’s disease makes up less than 5 percent of breast cancers.

Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC)

IBC is a rare form of breast cancer, accounting for only about 1 percent of cases. Inflammatory breast cancer causes the entire breast to swell and redden or darken, and symptoms become more serious quickly, sometimes within hours. IBC grows and spreads aggressively. IBC is more common in Black women than white women.

There are also different subtypes based on the characteristics of the tumors. Understanding the different subtypes helps to determine the correct treatment plan.

Hormone and HER2 receptor status

The four main subtypes are:

• Luminal A

• Luminal B

• HER2-enriched

• Triple-negative/Basal-like

Typically, patients learn whether their breast cancer is being fueled by estrogen, progesterone, or HER2 receptors—or none of these.

HR-positive breast cancer

This is mine, I was diagnosed estrogen receptor (ER) positive, and progesterone receptor (PR) positive - this is also called hormone receptor positive breast cancer. It is the most common form of invasive breast cancer and has the best outcome when diagnosed early. It is usually treated with hormone suppression.

HER2-positive breast cancer

The mutations in the HER2 gene cause an overproduction of HER2 protein, which drives excessive growth of breast cancer cells. HER2-positive breast cancer tends to be aggressive.

Triple-negative breast cancer

Triple negative breast cancer means it is negative for the three main receptors (estrogen, progesterone and HER2. TNBC accounts for approximately 15 percent of diagnoses. Lauren was IDC Triple Negative.

Our love is forevermore

On this day in 1990, we said I do. Little did we know the mountains and valleys that we would encounter along this 34 year journey. We have lived in six states and two countries, raised four beautiful children, welcomed two more into our family, and have five amazing grandchildren. We truly are blessed.

These past few months have been a true testament of the commitment and love this man has for me. He has sacrificed so much to make sure I am comfortable and well taken care of way past his own needs. He is truly one of a kind and I am forever grateful that he is mine. He will randomly send videos and songs to remind me that he loves me and what I mean to him. I cannot imagine doing life with anyone else. You truly are my best friend and soulmate.

A little marriage advice - pick your battles (not everything is worth arguing or fighting over, almost nothing is), date each other always, never speak down about your partner to others, remember to laugh with each other and make an effort every day to love them.

I love you Goudy, Always N Forever

And the Gold Medal goes to.....

We saw the plastic surgeon this past week and my wound vac was removed! The wound vac was placed last month because the incision in the middle of my belly was not healing properly. I have three problem areas - my left breast, and right hip and middle of my belly incision, everything else is healing quite nicely. The left breast and right hip were not a huge concern, so they chose to do a wound vac on my belly incision to keep me from having to go back in for another surgery. My doctor actually had to argue with the insurance representative for approval. They wanted to wait 30 days prior to approving the wound vac, and he just could not understand why, when surgery would have been inevitable at that point, and the wound vac was to prevent more issues and also keep the cost down. He is awesome, and was able to obtain approval for the wound vac. So for a month, I had what we called my ball and chain. It went wherever I went. I had to take backward showers with the wound vac on a small table outside the shower but still have the tubing reaching in but not get wet; and I learned where I could sit it on the kitchen counter and still reach the trash can and refrigerator without having to move it each time. It is a dance I am glad to have behind me now. Home Health would come three times a week and change out the canister and reapply the bandages that held the wound foam in place. My nurse was very nice and although I will miss our conversations, I am glad that part is behind us now.

Now that the wound vac has been removed, I am able to move on from the belly binder and wear compression garments. The belly binder was irritating the open wound on the right hip, so I was so excited to get rid of the it, but did not have any idea of the new challenges that we would face. Have you ever worn compression garments? They are not for the faint of heart. Compression garments can be tricky and they are not all made the same. I had some in a drawer that fit a little too snugly, nor could I get it on or take it off by myself without help; so I have ordered several different sizes and still trying to find the right one. I went from wearing a binder with cutout panties underneath and maxi pads across my incision (it takes three by the way, that is how long the scar is) to keep it from rubbing on my incision, to now wearing maxi pads, cutout panties (this holds everything in place to be able to use the restroom and it not all fall out), real panties and then the compression garment. By the way, do not wait until the last minute to go to the restroom because shifting and removing compression garments while trying not to pee yourself is not a simple or fast process. We have had to rethink the dressings which were not previously ‘firmly’ attached but stayed in place because of the binder. Now we are finding that everything moves when the compression garment moves. As a result, we have adjusted our approach to wound dressing using gauze and paper tape to increase the probability of keeping everything relatively close to where we need it to stay. Hopefully the tape does not prove to be an issue with my skin as it has with different types of tape.

We also were able to ditch the surgical bras and now wear a sports bar. I was also excited about this, as the surgical bra has Velcro tabs on the sides and I was so glad to eliminate this particular irritation because it was rubbing the area under my arms. However, I literally went from being able to dress myself (minus putting on the binder) to now having help putting on the sports bra and the compression garment. Thankfully, I have finally found at least one garment I can take on and off by myself without it hitting the wounds but the sports bra is another matter. It has a clasp and zipper in the front. The clasp is to help hold it together while you get the zipper closed. In addition to creative closure, we still have to dress the left breast, while it is doing better, it still needs a little extra care. So we still have wound care in the mornings and in the evenings after I take my shower which by the way is a real normal shower, and is the most glorious thing!

We are having our own Olympic games over here and Stephen has won every gold medal!

Chin up…

I love this quote!

There is no way to describe the moment you learn that you have breast cancer, whether it is words on a screen after reading the report in your portal or words actually spoken to you in the doctor’s office. Even though I had the weekend to prepare for those fateful words on the screen Monday morning, nothing truly prepared me for how different our life will forever be changed.

When I went to my oncology appointment last week, I was asked a question that totally took shook me. “How is your depression doing?” Not, do you have moments of depression, do you think you might have some depression, nope, straight on - how IS your depression doing. I am sure I had a dumbfounded look on my face as I was contemplating her question, and then the tears flowed. I had never thought about it. Sure, I have moments where I just silently cry, not because there is a great deal of pain or anything in particular has happened at that very moment but the overwhelming events of everything that has happened physically and emotionally are a lot to handle, and some days I just don’t deal with them very well. I love my oncology nurse, she is so upbeat and happy. She exudes sunshine and positivity, so when she asked me this question I wasn’t ready. She encouraged me to write a separate journal of ALL of my thoughts and feelings, and when I am ready and done to burn it and let it all go. I love this idea, and I am working on this as well.

Prior to all of this, I listened to a lot of books on Audible. I love medical thrillers and crime novels. However, since all of this, I have not been able to concentrate and now I listen to a lot of music. I purposefully choose happy and upbeat songs. It brings me comfort and peace. Every now and then a song sneaks in and the tears flow, sometimes because the lyrics have a much deeper meaning and sometimes because the words just touch my soul differently. My husband is intent on making sure there is nothing but positivity in our life, words, music and outlook. Nothing negative - he will not allow it. Before we received the news of no chemo, he stated there would be no chemo, he refused to utter the words and remained positive. Me, however, I am always the girl who looks at all outcomes because I like to be prepared for whatever may come. My daughter is the same way, and we joke about it sometimes. As some see it a little morbid, but we like to be prepared. Well, I can assure you, cancer throws all of that out the window, as you never know what path YOU will take and where it will lead you.

The small things are everything - the hug you desperately needed. The perfect lyric at just the right time. A sweet, understanding smile when you felt overwhelmed with sorrow. The “I’m here for you” texts. The arm around the shoulder when your world feels shaky. The help offered when you’re the most overwhelmed. The book that made you feel seen for a moment. The sunrise that stopped your thoughts from racing for a moment. The phone call that made you laugh and forget for a moment. The small things are the light-bringers, the hopeful glimmers.

When we received the Oncotype test results (prior to my DRs appointment), I messaged my kids and told them. My daughter, as some of you know, had Triple Negative IDC Breast Cancer in 2020. It was very aggressive and she endured so much to overcome and beat it. She still deals with the aftermath every day. Even though the cancer may be gone, the after effects of chemo still take a hard toll on her body and mind. She came over after that message and gave me the longest hug and was a little tearful. She was so grateful that I did not have to have chemo. I was tearful because I felt guilty of not requiring chemo, and still have those feelings, not because I wanted chemo but the tears and emotions are what is referred to as survivors guilt. I have mixed emotions. I am beyond grateful that I do not have to have chemo or radiation; however, sometimes I have an emotional response of remorse and sadness for those that have endured these treatments. I am still working through this process.

I love the cards that I receive, like the one pictured here, ‘Chin up Tits Out’ - it made me laugh! It is from a dear friend that I have known since first or second grade (cant remember). She is the best encourager and full of sunshine, even though she struggles daily with her own unique challenges, she still finds ways to make sure others feel loved. This card and some of the others I have received have helped on the days that I feel overwhelmed with this new way of life and body. While I do not have to have chemo or radiation, I will be on hormone suppressors for 5-10 years, and those come with their own set of challenges. The struggle right now is recovery, regaining my strength and overcoming the wound healing challenges, along with the mental and emotional struggles. Stephen has been my rock and savior through all of this - there are days I feel like a burden because of everything he has had to take on in this journey. However, he does everything out of love and never once complains.

Some day this chapter will close, and we will move on to better and brighter days, until then Chin Up and Tits out - We’ve Got This!

Much love,

Deandra