This past week I was thinking back about all that has happened in our family, medical wise, and it seems every four years a bomb is dropped on our family. The word oncology is not foreign to our family. When we arrived back in the states from being overseas, I made appointments for health checkups for Stephen and myself; and to our surprise one of Stephen’s labs came back abnormal. I love to be able to see our labs and reports online, however, sometimes this can be detrimental if you are prone to google. I was able to research the abnormality and knew what it was before we saw the doctor, again Google is not always your friend. In 2016, Stephen was diagnosed with MGUS which is a precursor to Multiple Myeloma - it is a blood cancer and the same cancer that took his Aunt Pat. He sees an oncologist yearly as well as a kidney doctor. I remember sitting at the restaurant after learning all of this and literally could not breathe thinking of losing my best friend. I dread each year when it is time for the labs and his appointment to see if any are abnormal and what the doctor will say. Thankfully, it has not progressed and is still dormant.
Fast forward to fall of 2020, and our sweet daughter is diagnosed with Triple Negative IDC (invasive ductal carcinoma) breast cancer. She found the lump three months after an ‘all clear’ checkup. This is why it is so important to do self exams as well as imaging. Her whole world was turned upside down with one phone call. She endured chemo to shrink ‘Arnold’, her tumor as she so loving named it, and then a double mastectomy with immediate DIEP reconstruction. Her journey lasted over two years with multiple surgeries and many issues. We were reminiscing earlier this week about a vacation we took to Destin two years ago and how short her hair was then. Imagine a short, poodly pixie hairstyle - she hated it and her hair has finally grown out and is now way past her shoulders. She has now graduated to once a year scans and bloodwork to monitor her cancer. She is still in remission and will continue to have her cancer monitored for clearance.
Now, it is 2024, and on Stephen’s birthday, of all days, I found a small lump under my arm near my right breast. I remember walking in to Lauren’s office, shutting her door and asking her check it. She looked at me and said, “nope, not today ma’am. We are not doing this” - not meaning she wouldn’t do it, she just knew what ‘it’ could mean and did not want to imagine that reality. We both thought it was not any more than a bug bite, but she told me to call our gynecologist and have it checked out anyway to be certain. It seemed so inconsequential, I almost canceled my appointment twice before being seen. That inconsequential lump turned out to be so much more than a bug bite and has totally rocked our world one more time. It led to a whirlwind of events - appointments, exams, biopsies, MRIs, CTA scans, then ultimately my own double mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction. There seems to be a pattern for our family every four years and I am praying over 2028 to just be a normal, boring year.
The reality of these events is slowly sinking in, and I have less surreal days wondering if this is all still real. Your mind has a funny way of protecting yourself, shielding events and emotions to help you make it through one more day. Some days, it is easy to forget that almost six months ago I had major surgery and looking at me, you would not know my body is still healing. Yes, you see a skinnier me but you do not see the struggles that are going on on the inside - both mentally and physically. Heck, I even think I can still do things that I probably should not be doing. All three of the wounds on my left hip healed up nicely right before Thanksgiving; however, this week two of three spots reopened again. I think my body misread the memo of closing all wounds for my birthday and instead did the opposite. To say that I am over this is an understatement. Lauren thinks I am doing too much, so I am going to try to scale back to really let my body heal. The rest of the year there will be a lot of resting and doing only what is necessary to really allow my body to heal.