Home Sweet Home

Surgery prayerfully went very well - all in all less than 7 hours! And for that I am extremely grateful. For me it was like a short sleep; however, for Goudy and Lauren it was a very long and exhausting day. My recovery time after surgery was a little longer as my oxygen would not come up and stay up as they would have liked. Every time I started to drift back off to sleep, it would fall under their preferred numbers. My blood pressure was not playing nicely for them either, apparently my body just did not want to cooperate. Even though both were a little on the low side, they finally released me to go up to my room and be reunited with Goudy and Lauren.

The next 24 hours was a quick lesson in how to get in and out of bed, learning how to sit in a chair and my “favorite” to walk around the nurses station. These things seem like something that should be second nature; however, when utilizing your core muscles is restricted, you have to relearn this in order to not irritate and aggravate your stitches. My nurses, however, were the absolute best, very caring and nurturing and made the stay much easier. We were able to be ourselves and joke around with them and at the same time learn all of the necessary things to help with the next few weeks of recovery.

I saw my chest for the first time at my daughter’s house and it was such a surreal moment. There are a flood of emotions that you are not prepared for as you see your body for the first time. For me, it was a little strange having cleavage, boobs in their proper places, and a flat stomach, you find yourself thinking whose body is this? And what the heck happened to my sad little sea turtle feet (inside MRI joke)

We recently upgraded our toilet and installed a nice, fancy bidet (thank you Becky, Taylor and Micah) and I cannot express enough how grateful I am for these two items. It has a heated seat (which will be wonderful come wintertime), heated water, and an air dryer function as well as few other settings. Goudy has adjusted the water pressure on it so that the equivalent to Old Faithful doesn’t come greet you unexpectedly. It has definitely been a learning process in finding the correct settings, and I can assure you there are a few little buttons that will remain unused - but I highly recommend it!

Surgical bulb drain

Goudy has been the absolute best caretaker! He has alarms to make sure I take my meds on time, making sure I am getting all of my protein and extra things for healing, and he has the cleaning and emptying of my drains down to a science. I currently have four drains, two breast and two hip drains. These have to be cleaned and emptied twice a day. They each have their own little cups to measure the daily fluid as once they reach a certain level I can have the drains removed. Our goal is to reach under 30mL for over 24 hours then the drain can be removed. My support bra has clips to hold the drains, and I have lanyard that holds them so that I can shower and not create strain on them or catch them unnecessarily. I also have what is called a Brobe that has drain pockets to hold them in place and keep them secure. It is so very soft and very comforting to wear. There are quite a few tricks you learn to keep things from pinching or getting caught on things you normally wouldn’t think twice about. I have disposable underwear that we cut out to help keep maxi pads in place to protect them from the binder I have to wear as it irritates the my abdominal scar. And so far, sleeping in the recliner has been the easiest.

Home Sweet Home

Here is to relaxing while recovering

The Final Countdown

I have been waiting for this day for weeks; however, now that it is here I would really just like to hop on a plane and fly as fast as I can in any other direction. Tomorrow is surgery day which meant today I had preop and final assessment. I went in to work like any other day and prepared the girls as best as I could for my job duties while I am out the next few weeks, turned off my light and went to the hospital to have my final pre-surgery tests.

I had a Lymphoscintigraphy which is a nuclear medicine imaging study for mapping the lymphatic system with scintigraphy. The radiotracer is injected just beneath the skin using a very small needle followed by a series of images. They tell you it feels like a bee sting. I told the girl administering the test that I had recently had a bee sting and would know whether she was lying or not. She laughed and said remember everything is bigger in Texas. When it was all said and done, I told her that it was more like a Texas wasp, not a bee, and she said she would start using that analogy for future patients. Stephen and I then went to preop for my EKG and lab work where they went over everything I needed to do prior to arrival tomorrow morning. All in all, it was quick and we were in and out in time for lunch. We went to Enchilada Ole, haven’t been? You should go - the guacamole is fresh and on point! They have locations on Camp Bowie, N Tarrant and on Forest Park.

Last Friday, Stephen and I sat down and talked about all of the things that have been weighing heavily on my mind. Some were completely rational, while others were were not; however, I really needed someone just to let me vent and voice my concerns out loud. In order for me to work through things, I need to verbalize and let my thoughts stew in the open rather than hidden away. I can honestly say that after working through all of this together, I feel less overwhelmed and more at peace.

So for tomorrow, we are claiming no lymph node involvement and for surgery to go smoothly.

Almost there!

A week from today, I will be in the middle of a life changing surgery, all because I went in for what I thought was possibly a bug bite. Some days everything feels completely normal, like nothing is different – there isn’t a foreign growth in my body. It is just a bruise that will heal on its own. My brain is certainly trying not to accept this new reality. When I went for my CTA, the tech asked me when I was diagnosed…I just looked at her blankly because in my mind I had no idea what she was talking about and then my brain snapped realizing she meant my breast cancer…. May 20th, the day our life changed forever. I told Stephen about it that evening, and he told me I was disassociating. I never even realized it until then but he is right. The first few weeks were a whirlwind – diagnostic mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy all in one day, then breast surgeon and plastic surgery appointments, MRI, and CTA that it was easy to stay in the new norm even though it felt so surreal – like it was someone else’s life I was living. Then it all slowed down, there were no more appointments, no more phone calls or people asking me to recite my name, address and birthdate. Stephen joked and said had they asked me for my age, I would have been in trouble, and he is right, I never know how old I am because I don’t care!

So even though my mind is trying to disconnect, the rest of my body is well aware – I live in a tired state because even though I take melatonin to sleep, I don’t actually sleep. To be honest, neither of us sleep. I live in this constant state of exhaustion and most days feel like I cannot breathe. It feels like there is this huge weight on my chest making it hard to catch my breathe. Truly the only thing that helps this feeling subside is Stephen. He is my everything and has always been my person. He can literally place his hand on my arm and my whole body relaxes. He has been visiting his parents since Saturday as this seemed like the best time not knowing what the rest of the year will look like. I CANNOT wait for his plane to arrive this afternoon.

Tuesday, I will have my preop appointment (blood work and an EKG), as well as a Lymphoscintigraphy. What is that you ask? It is a special type of nuclear medicine imaging that takes pictures of the lymphatic system. It is also called lymph node mapping. It will help identify the lymph nodes and which are free from cancer.

The next few days we will be in relaxation mode as we prepare for surgery – pedicures, massages, and maybe a movie, just time spent together in preparation for my surgery next week. We will post an update next week!

Much love ,

Stephen & Deandra