Author: deandragoudy

Last Friday, as I stood waiting for the elevator at my breast surgeon’s office, I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. A wave of emotion crashed over me as I realized exactly one year ago to the day, I was in a different building, awaiting my mammogram and ultrasound for a suspicious lump. I went alone that day, telling myself it was probably nothing, while in the back of my mind knowing the truth. The images looked suspicious, and they recommended a biopsy, immediately. I remember the fear rising like a tide.

This past year has been a rollercoaster – a journey through shock, denial, fear, sadness, anger, and moments of deep despair. I’m not sure you ever fully come to terms with a cancer diagnosis. It doesn’t just disrupt your life – it reshapes it. Permanently.

The journey has been complex and exhausting. Between the medical appointments, shifting treatment plans, and the physical and emotional toll of the disease and its management, I’ve had to learn how to live in an entirely new way.

My days are different now. The medication that’s meant to keep the cancer from returning comes with its own cost – bone pain, fatigue, weight gain from inflammation and water retention. I’m trying new things to manage it. I’m learning to be okay with my body, even when it feels unfamiliar to me. I’m trying to accept the weight as it is, while still doing what I can to feel strong and healthy.

Fatigue hits hard, usually mid-day. It’s a bone-deep exhaustion that makes me want to curl up wherever I am and just sleep. I’ve had to experiment with the timing of my medication to see if I can shift the worst of it later, anything to make it safer and easier to get through my day.

Mentally, it’s been tough lately. Just this week, Stephen asked me if I was okay. I told him I was, then I had to circle back and admit that I wasn’t. He already knew. When you’ve been with someone as long as we’ve been together, you can sense when something’s off.

It’s hard for me to say out loud that I’m not okay. I’ve always been the one who fixes things, figures things out, handles everything herself. But Stephen has taught me something I didn’t know how to learn on my own: I don’t have to carry it all by myself. He’s there. He always is. And he helps me carry it when I can’t.

Cancer is a strange thing. It creates bonds with complete strangers, women you meet in waiting rooms, support groups, or hospital corridors, who understand more about your experience than people you’ve known for years. At the same time, it can test your existing relationships. Some friends pull closer, some fall away. Some reappear after years, while others simply vanish.

And through it all, my perspective has changed. I am learning to no longer sweat the small stuff. I don’t have the energy or desire to care about judgment or assumptions. Life is too precious for that. What matters now is connection, authenticity, and finding peace in whatever form I can.

A year ago, I walked into a building alone and heard the words that would alter the course of our life together.

Today, I stand in the same place…different building, same fear…but stronger. Still learning. Still healing. Still here.

Almost seven weeks ago, I had my phase 2 surgery, and the recovery has been a journey of patience and resilience. We arrived at the hospital by 5 AM since I was first on the docket, and by 1 PM, we were back home. We might have been home even sooner, but my body has its own post-anesthesia routine. My resting heart rate naturally runs low, and after surgery, it dipped lower than the hospital staff was comfortable with, setting off alarms and prompting gentle reminders from Stephen to take deep breaths. All I wanted to do was sleep, but Stephen, ever my advocate, told me, “If you do not wake up and breathe, you do not get to go home!” At last, I was stable enough to their liking, and we were discharged and headed home.

Coming home, I faced familiar restrictions from my first surgery, no lifting my arms over my shoulders, no carrying anything over 5 lbs, sleeping on my back and at an incline, and avoiding repetitive movements. Now, nearly seven weeks later, I still have some limitations, but there is progress. My lifting restrictions are easing gradually, and I am slowly regaining the ability to reach above my head. I can finally cook, wash dishes, and tend to the farm animals again. Folding clothes and doing laundry have become small victories, though bending over is still a challenge, so I accept help where needed. Ava, our granddaughter, still comes to clean the house once a week, and honestly, that is the best investment in my well-being, as well as easing the load for Stephen!

This surgery brought more than just physical adjustments, it brought healing in unexpected ways. Dr. Nagel refined my abdominal incision, transforming a jagged, gnarly scar into a clean, straight line. He also performed fat grafting, what I fondly call “fluff”, to balance and lift my breasts, improving symmetry and softening the scars. The fat was harvested from my hips, buttocks, and pubic area through liposuction, which, as I had been warned, was incredibly painful. I also came home with three drains: one for my hip and two for my breasts. Dr. Nagel was meticulous in ensuring a smooth healing process, and I am grateful for his thoroughness. The breast drains were removed after a week, and the hip drain at 1 ½ weeks. I also had a special tape and bandage over my abdomen, which had to stay in place until my follow-up, which meant I had to shower backward again. This was a not so fun challenge, but at least I had prior experience!

One of the best tips I received from women in my support groups was to use Arnica Gel and Arnica tablets for post-surgery healing. I started the tablets two days before surgery and applied the gel to my bruises afterward. I truly believe they made a remarkable difference in my pain management and overall recovery.

The biggest challenge of this recovery has been my own impatience. Feeling better than I did after my first surgery gave me a false sense of readiness, and I learned the hard way that healing cannot be rushed. At two weeks post-op, I pushed or pulled something on my left arm/breast area, setting myself back and requiring physical therapy a couple of times a week. It has been frustrating, but I am learning to listen to my body and honor its need for time. Healing is not just about physical strength, it is about patience, acceptance, and grace.

Now that I am finally cleared for exercise, I am approaching it with mindfulness, taking it slow to avoid any setbacks. We have a trip planned in a little over a month, and I want to be fully present and able to enjoy it without limitations.

Stephen has been ever so gracious and loving throughout this whole process, making sure that I am well taken care of and not letting me overdo anything. His support, patience, and encouragement have been a steady source of comfort and strength for me, and I am beyond grateful for him and his unwavering love he has for me.

This recovery journey has been humbling. It has tested my patience, deepened my appreciation for small victories, and reminded me that true healing goes beyond the physical. Each day, I grow stronger, not just in body but in spirit. And for that, I am grateful.

Today is March 3rd, which is also Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC) Awareness Day! This day is dedicated to spreading knowledge about TNBC, a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer that accounts for 10 to 20 percent of all breast cancer cases.

What Makes Triple Negative Breast Cancer Different? To understand what makes TNBC unique, it helps to know some breast cancer basics. Doctors determine the type of breast cancer by testing for specific receptors on cancer cells. These receptors – proteins that bind to substances in the body to cause a reaction – include the estrogen receptor (ER), progesterone receptor (PR), and human epidermal growth factor receptor 2 (HER2).

Unlike other breast cancers, triple-negative breast cancer is negative for all three of these receptors. This means it does not have ER, PR, or HER2 receptors, making it unresponsive to many common targeted therapies, such as tamoxifen (which targets the estrogen receptor) and trastuzumab (Herceptin, which targets HER2).

Treatment Challenges and Options Since hormone therapies and HER2-targeted treatments are not effective, TNBC is typically treated with chemotherapy, which has shown to be the most effective approach. However, ongoing research is exploring new treatment options, including immunotherapy and clinical trials, offering hope for more targeted and effective treatments in the future.

Who Is at Risk? TNBC is more common in younger women under the age of 50 and disproportionately affects African American women, though it can impact individuals of all races. TNBC is known for being aggressive and fast-growing, and it is more likely to spread to other parts of the body.

Oddly enough, my breast cancer was estrogen positive and our daughter’s breast cancer was triple negative. She has her checkups yearly in September and is NED (no evidence of disease)! She found the lump three months after an ‘all clear’ checkup, which is why it is so important to do self exams as well as imaging. Knowing your body is so very important.

Have you had your yearly mammogram?

I follow a few musicians on Facebook, one of them being Harry Connick, Jr. Back in September, he posted that he would be doing a tribute concert to Cole Porter; however, this concert would be in New York. When I mentioned this to Stephen, his response was immediate and unwavering: “Buy the tickets.” I hesitated for a moment, “You know this concert is in New York, right?” He simply smiled and said, “So, buy the tickets.” So I bought the tickets that very day for a show in February… in New York!

New York holds a special place in our hearts. We have visited in the spring, fall, and winter, and each trip has given us unforgettable memories. At one point, we almost moved there in 2015 due to a potential job opportunity, but life led us to Alabama and then Texas instead. Still, every time we return, it feels like a home away from home. The food, the energy, the endless adventures – it’s all so intoxicating. We always seek out new experiences, but there is one constant in our visits: a stop at Librae Bakery, a place that feels like a cozy embrace in the midst of the bustling city.

Our journey began in the early hours of the morning, catching a 6 AM flight and landing in New York around 10:30 AM. We travel light, just one backpack and two carry-ons, which makes navigating the bus and subway so much easier – and cheaper! This time, I felt a special kind of gratitude. My health has improved, and I was able to help with our luggage, a simple task that reminded me of how far I have come. Our trip began on a perfect note when our hotel graciously allowed us an early check-in. After settling in, we took a moment to soak in the excitement before heading out into the city.

Our first stop? Librae Bakery, of course. As we sipped our coffee and indulged in their exquisite pastries, we let the city begin to weave its magic around us. Next, we ventured out for some shopping. Stephen found a beautiful wool winter coat, and to our delight, it was on sale! Back home, we had searched for the perfect coat but had come up empty-handed. This serendipitous find felt like a small victory, a sign that this trip was going to be something special.

That evening, we dressed up for a night out in the city. Our dinner reservations were at Thai Villa, a restaurant I had discovered through one of my New York Facebook groups. It exceeded all expectations. Their espresso martinis were heavenly, and we put our trust in the waiter to choose our dishes. Every bite was divine. As we left the restaurant, a soft rain began to fall, making the city streets glisten under the lights. We hurried to the subway, eager not to be late for our next adventure.

“Harry Potter and the Cursed Child” was playing on Broadway, and we had scored half-price tickets. The special effects were breathtaking, and the story transported us to another world. For those few hours, we were spellbound, caught in the magic of the performance.

The next morning, we set out in search of breakfast and coffee. We found ourselves at the Central Park Diner, a charming little spot with a nostalgic feel. Their French toast didn’t quite match the picture, but it was still comforting in its own way. I have high standards when it comes to French toast, but the real star of the morning was the coffee, which was simply perfect.

With coffee in hand, we set out to explore the city. We love looking at the old buildings and the fascinating architecture. We headed back to the hotel to change for our concert. We were seeing Harry Connick Jr at The Metropolitan Opera. As expected, Harry did not disappoint. His music and storytelling were mesmerizing. We learned a lot about Cole Porter and all of his accomplishments. After the show, we headed back to the hotel to rest up before our dinner reservations. For dinner, we decided to return to a restaurant that we had discovered last Spring with Taylor and Kendeal. It is called the Red Onion and has the best Indian food. We ordered the samosa chaat, butter chicken, garlic naan, and masala chai tea. The best thing of the evening is the owner remembered Stephen from our previous visit. We then took a stroll up the street for dessert, and had a strawberry Nutella crepe. I wanted to head in to the tattoo shop next door, In Due Time, for my NY tattoo; however, since my surgery was in less than a week, it was not advisable. I will be back and I will get that tattoo!

Sunday morning we tried Carnegie Diner and Cafe – Stephen had the egg and pastrami sandwich while I had their eggs benedict, another one of my favorites! This restaurant did not disappoint. We had found a little coffee shop down the block and headed there after breakfast for another cup of coffee and headed out to the Grand Bazaar for a little flea market shopping. I saw a few items that I would definitely add to my collection IF we lived in New York. However, I settled for just browsing at this time. For lunch we grabbed a hot dog from a street vendor and ended up at Atlantic Grill for dinner. It was a quiet little place and had delicious sushi and filet mignon.

On our last day, we again went back to the Carnegie Diner and Cafe for breakfast where I tried the Nutella French Toast and Stephen had the omelet. The table next to us was celebrating a birthday, and had the brownie milkshake – it was crazy huge! We then made our way to this little pottery shop I found and of course I had to buy the spoons and a mixing bowl (IYKYK) to bring back home. Our last stop before heading to the airport was trying to locate the pizza place in Brooklyn we had found back in 2018. A little google sleuthing, and I was victorious. We took the subway and headed to Brooklyn. The pizza and garlic knots were exactly as we remembered them.

I am grateful for all of the exercising and walking I do every day, as it has made this trip much easier. As I reflect on our time in New York, my heart feels full. It wasn’t just about the concert, the food, or the city itself—it was about the joy of experiencing it all with Stephen by my side. Life is made up of these moments, the ones that make you pause and feel profoundly grateful. And this trip? It was one of those moments I will always cherish.

In less than a week, I’ll be seven months out from my bilateral mastectomy (BMX) with immediate DIEP flap breast reconstruction. DIEP flap reconstruction is an intricate and highly specialized surgery requiring exceptional skill and expertise. The process of finding a qualified microsurgeon can be daunting for many breast cancer patients. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, I already knew of an excellent surgeon, Dr. Nagel, because of my daughter’s cancer and reconstruction surgery in 2020. Dr. Nagel and his associates, including his identical twin brother, exclusively treat breast cancer patients, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have them on my team. Dr. Nagel’s work is nothing short of amazing.

Breast reconstruction is a process, typically not just a single procedure. While some patients may only need one surgery, others go through multiple stages depending on healing, potential complications, and the need for refinements. Here’s a breakdown of the typical stages:

Phase 1: The Initial Surgery

In Phase 1, tissue, including skin and fat, is taken from the lower abdominal area and transferred to create new breast mounds. Blood vessels are meticulously harvested and reconnected in the chest to ensure proper blood flow. This stage is essential for establishing the foundation of the reconstructed breasts and ensuring the tissue’s survival.

Phase 2: The Revision Stage

Phase 2 focuses on refining the results of the initial surgery. This might include removing excess scar tissue, addressing asymmetries, or correcting any irregularities that may have arisen during healing. For many patients, this phase is also an opportunity to resolve lingering discomfort or issues from Phase 1.

Phase 3: Final Touches

If needed, Phase 3 typically involves fat grafting to refine the shape and contour of the breast mounds further. Not everyone requires this phase, as some refinements can be completed during Phase 2.

Since early last fall, I’ve been waiting for my Phase 2 consultation and scheduling. Almost two weeks ago, I finally had my appointment with Dr. Nagel. I was thrilled to receive the call and even more excited when they called last week to schedule the surgery. Dr. Nagel wanted to ensure my body was fully healed from Phase 1 before moving forward, which is why we waited until the new year to plan the next step.

You might be wondering why I’d choose to undergo another surgery after finally feeling healed. The main reason is my abdomen. I’ve been experiencing discomfort along my abdomen incision with certain clothing, and also have some knots under the incision. Dr. Nagel will address these issues during Phase 2 and fine-tune my breasts at the same time. If everything goes as planned, I shouldn’t need a Phase 3 surgery. February 7th will be the day – less than three weeks! I am beyond excited and nervous at the same time. Thankfully, recovery time will be less and should only be out of work for a week.

Reflecting on this journey, I’m reminded of how much patience and resilience it takes to navigate having a mastectomy and DIEP breast reconstruction. While the process can be long and sometimes frustrating, having a skilled and compassionate surgical team makes all the difference. I’m grateful for the choice of utilizing my own body for the reconstruction and not having something foreign in my body, as I am not certain how my body would have reacted. While the recovery has had its challenging moments, I am proud of the progress I’ve made and remain optimistic about the next phase of my journey.

Much Love,

Deandra

When I first went in for my diagnostic mammogram and biopsy, the radiologist already suspected something was wrong. The nurse navigator asked me if I had a surgeon and team ready. Thinking back to that conversation still feels like a gut punch – you’re never really prepared to hear something like that. At the time, I was already talking with Lauren, who shared the information for her breast surgeon, oncologist, and plastic surgeon.

Having breast cancer is not a “one and done” experience. You don’t just have surgery and get cured. It’s a journey, and you need to feel comfortable with your medical team because they will be with you for many years. From the beginning, I didn’t click with the medical oncologist (MO) we shared. There were small things that didn’t feel right, and even Stephen had concerns. However, I adored her nurse – she was so sweet, upbeat, and positive, and I’ll miss her.

Since my breast cancer is estrogen-positive, it requires a hormone blocker to stop its growth. There are two types: aromatase inhibitors (AIs) and Tamoxifen. For my type of breast cancer, research shows that AIs are more effective for postmenopausal women. My local MO initially prescribed Tamoxifen for two reasons: she believed I wasn’t in menopause and felt the side effects were easier. I immediately told her I wasn’t taking the hormone blocker for its side effects—I was taking it to lessen the chance of recurrence.

My MO seemed puzzled, as other women my age were in menopause, yet my lab work suggested otherwise. Twice, she ordered blood work that showed higher-than-normal estrogen levels for a postmenopausal woman. At 55 years old, having had a partial hysterectomy at 36, I was pretty sure I was in menopause. I reached out to my gynecologist, who explained that my MO was ordering the wrong tests. Instead of measuring total estrogen, which fluctuates, she needed to check estradiol levels to determine menopause status. My gynecologist also noted that having a hysterectomy at a young age typically induces earlier menopause.

At my next appointment, I requested the estradiol test. The results confirmed I was in menopause. She then prescribed Letrozole, an AI, and I stopped taking Tamoxifen. This was a significant relief for me, as I wanted the treatment that would best combat my cancer.

In early September, I contacted MD Anderson to set up an appointment with a specialist in invasive lobular carcinoma (ILC). Initially, I sought a second opinion because ILC is less common than invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC), and I wanted to make sure my local MO was on the right track. MD Anderson scheduled me with Dr. Mouabbi for December 16. Preparing for the trip, I reached out to my brother-in-law, who graciously offered his home for our stay.

After MD Anderson retested my tissue, I learned something new: my pathology didn’t just show ILC. It revealed Invasive Tubulolobular Carcinoma, a rare type of breast cancer, along with IDC, LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma in situ a non-cancerous condition, which has a risk of developing into breast cancer in the future) and Focal DCIS (Focal ductal carcinoma in situ refers to a type of early stage breast cancer but has not spread to surrounding tissue and is non-invasive). Additionally, they found isolated tumor cells (ITCs) in one lymph node. I also have lymphovascular invasion (LVI), which is where cancer cells grow into or move into blood vessels or lymph nodes. While the prognosis for Tubulolobular breast cancer is generally good, the presence of LVI adds complexity to my case. I am grateful that my cancer was caught early and that I have a good prognosis, though the possibility of recurrence will always linger as an unwanted guest in the back of my mind.

The care I received at MD Anderson was a night-and-day difference from my local experience. Their nurse navigator called every two weeks to check on me, offer assistance, and ensure I felt supported. This level of care contrasted sharply with my local navigator, whom I only heard from once. After transferring my care to Dr. Mouabbi, I knew I had made the right decision.

Doctors work for us, not the other way around. They are human and can make mistakes, but it’s essential to advocate for yourself. When something feels off, listen to your instincts. My local MO mistakenly documented that I’d had an oophorectomy (removal of ovaries), which I hadn’t, and downplayed side effects I was experiencing. These errors reaffirmed my decision to transition to MD Anderson.

Looking ahead, I’ll continue seeing Dr. Mouabbi every six months and remain on Letrozole for five years. My next step is an appointment with Dr. Nagel, my breast reconstruction surgeon, to plan phase two of my reconstruction and, hopefully, my final surgery.

Breast cancer is a journey that teaches you resilience and the importance of self-advocacy. Surround yourself with a team you trust and never hesitate to seek second opinions. Your health is worth it.

Much love,

Deandra

A little over 12 years ago in a land far away, we met an amazing group of people. We came from different walks of life – military personnel, contractors, and locals, but each week, we gathered together like a family. Our ‘family’ meals were a chance to relax, share stories, and enjoy each other’s company during a time when we were all far from home. For some, it was the only ‘family’ interaction they had during their time in Bahrain.

Fast forward to this year, and two of my favorite people from that unforgettable group came to visit. Though their stay was short, it was such a sweet reunion, packed with laughter, food, and memories.

We kicked off the visit with a trip to Babe’s Chicken Dinner House in Roanoke, Texas, a spot that had been on their restaurant bucket list. And let me tell you – Babe’s did not disappoint. The original location, with its cozy charm, offers a simple but mouthwatering menu: chicken-fried steak, fried chicken (three pieces!), or chicken tenders. The meal comes with a side of salad, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, and the softest, fluffiest biscuits you can imagine—all served family style. As we dug into our plates, we caught up on life, reminisced about old times – there’s something about shared food that makes everything feel like home.

Afterward, we went next door to the Oak Street Pie Company, a family-run bakery that’s been serving up sweet treats since 2006. We couldn’t resist getting a slice (or three) of their signature pies: Mexican Hot Chocolate Pie, Key Lime Pie, and Chocolate Cream Pie. Talk about a sugar rush!

But the night didn’t end there. A visit to Fort Worth wouldn’t be complete without a stop at Buc-ee’s, because really, everyone needs to experience Buc-ee’s at least once. Whether it’s the endless rows of snacks or the cleanest bathrooms in the world, Buc-ee’s is an experience all its own. After a quick pit stop, we headed to the house where our friends would be staying during their visit.

It was a busy first day, and after a long day of travel, they were ready for rest. But not before the guys made plans for an adventure the next day.

Thursday was my birthday, and I couldn’t have asked for a better way to celebrate than with friends by my side. While Nancy and I worked, the guys went off to Dallas to visit the grassy knoll and explore the Dallas Museum of Art. We wrapped up the day with a visit to Hard 8 BBQ for dinner, one of my favorite spots. There’s something about great barbecue and good company that makes any occasion feel special. Surrounded by loved ones, we shared stories, laughed, and just enjoyed being together. It was a birthday spent exactly how I wanted, surrounded by the people who mean the most, reflecting on how far we’ve come, and savoring the little moments that matter.

Nancy and I both worked on Friday (somebody has to, lol), while Stephen and Yosef went off on adventures once again. They went back to Buc-ee’s, made a stop at Costco, and even checked out a few antique and thrift stores. We all met up for some Tex-Mex for dinner and ended the evening with a cake shake at Portillo’s for dessert. The perfect way to keep the celebration going!

Saturday brought even more fun, as we ventured out to the Fort Worth Stockyards and caught a true Texas experience, the rodeo! There’s something about the energy of a live rodeo that makes you feel like you’re right in the heart of the Lone Star State. We watched cowboys and cowgirls show off their skills, cheered on the rodeo clowns, and soaked in all the action. Afterward, we witnessed the famous longhorn cattle drive, tried on a few cowboy hats, and Yosef had his picture taken with one of the longhorns. It’s the kind of day that makes you feel like a true Texan.

We capped off the day with a home-cooked meal, grilled picanha, roasted Brussels sprouts, and a slice of Texas chocolate sheet cake. We laughed, reminisced, and savored the moment, because sometimes, it’s the simplest things that leave the most lasting impressions.

As I reflect on these days spent with friends, I’m reminded of something that’s become clearer especially over this past year: it’s not the grand gestures that make life meaningful, but the quiet, everyday moments shared with people who matter. We might be scattered across different states and countries, but the bonds we formed over a decade ago remain as strong as ever.

It’s easy to let time and distance separate us from those we care about. So, here’s to the friends who feel like family, to the shared meals, and to the memories that remind us we’re never really that far apart.

Love you guys, and thank you for making this birthday extra special!

This past week I was thinking back about all that has happened in our family, medical wise, and it seems every four years a bomb is dropped on our family. The word oncology is not foreign to our family. When we arrived back in the states from being overseas, I made appointments for health checkups for Stephen and myself; and to our surprise one of Stephen’s labs came back abnormal. I love to be able to see our labs and reports online, however, sometimes this can be detrimental if you are prone to google. I was able to research the abnormality and knew what it was before we saw the doctor, again Google is not always your friend. In 2016, Stephen was diagnosed with MGUS which is a precursor to Multiple Myeloma – it is a blood cancer and the same cancer that took his Aunt Pat. He sees an oncologist yearly as well as a kidney doctor. I remember sitting at the restaurant after learning all of this and literally could not breathe thinking of losing my best friend. I dread each year when it is time for the labs and his appointment to see if any are abnormal and what the doctor will say. Thankfully, it has not progressed and is still dormant.

Fast forward to fall of 2020, and our sweet daughter is diagnosed with Triple Negative IDC (invasive ductal carcinoma) breast cancer. She found the lump three months after an ‘all clear’ checkup. This is why it is so important to do self exams as well as imaging. Her whole world was turned upside down with one phone call. She endured chemo to shrink ‘Arnold’, her tumor as she so loving named it, and then a double mastectomy with immediate DIEP reconstruction. Her journey lasted over two years with multiple surgeries and many issues. We were reminiscing earlier this week about a vacation we took to Destin two years ago and how short her hair was then. Imagine a short, poodly pixie hairstyle – she hated it and her hair has finally grown out and is now way past her shoulders. She has now graduated to once a year scans and bloodwork to monitor her cancer. She is still in remission and will continue to have her cancer monitored for clearance.

Now, it is 2024, and on Stephen’s birthday, of all days, I found a small lump under my arm near my right breast. I remember walking in to Lauren’s office, shutting her door and asking her check it. She looked at me and said, “nope, not today ma’am. We are not doing this” – not meaning she wouldn’t do it, she just knew what ‘it’ could mean and did not want to imagine that reality. We both thought it was not any more than a bug bite, but she told me to call our gynecologist and have it checked out anyway to be certain. It seemed so inconsequential, I almost canceled my appointment twice before being seen. That inconsequential lump turned out to be so much more than a bug bite and has totally rocked our world one more time. It led to a whirlwind of events – appointments, exams, biopsies, MRIs, CTA scans, then ultimately my own double mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction. There seems to be a pattern for our family every four years and I am praying over 2028 to just be a normal, boring year.

The reality of these events is slowly sinking in, and I have less surreal days wondering if this is all still real. Your mind has a funny way of protecting yourself, shielding events and emotions to help you make it through one more day. Some days, it is easy to forget that almost six months ago I had major surgery and looking at me, you would not know my body is still healing. Yes, you see a skinnier me but you do not see the struggles that are going on on the inside – both mentally and physically. Heck, I even think I can still do things that I probably should not be doing. All three of the wounds on my left hip healed up nicely right before Thanksgiving; however, this week two of three spots reopened again. I think my body misread the memo of closing all wounds for my birthday and instead did the opposite. To say that I am over this is an understatement. Lauren thinks I am doing too much, so I am going to try to scale back to really let my body heal. The rest of the year there will be a lot of resting and doing only what is necessary to really allow my body to heal.

Stephen and I have known each other since 8th-9th grade roughly 40+ years, and married for over 34 years. During that time, we have lived in 5 states, 2 countries, and have raised 4 amazing children. We have so many memories and stories, however, the greatest part of our story is our children. We have six amazing children and 5 grandchildren with one on the way! In 2018, the kids gift to us for Christmas was a family portrait. So much has changed since that picture – we have added two grandchildren, been through two cancers and felt it was time for an update.

It was quite the time trying to find a Saturday that everyone had open and available, however, we finally nailed one down, and even Stephen’s brother and his boys came to join in the fun. My whole heart is in these pictures and I hope you enjoy them as much as I do

We have always believed in dating and spending time together. During these past few months, finding those moments away from the house have been few – mostly because life is tiring right now and honestly it is just easier staying home. This past week I had a lymphatic massage that focused on the abdominal incision to help with the fat necrosis or scar tissue issues (unsure which they are). She also used these massage boots for my legs and feet for my swelling issues. While it was not a full body massage, it helped tremendously and she also showed me how to do the massage myself. I had never had a lymphatic massage so in my mind, I was thinking it would be an all over massage, which I have not had since prior to my surgery so I had really been looking forward to this; however, this is more of a physical therapy massage dedicated to focus on problem areas. Knowing we both needed some TLC, I decided to plan a date day for us this Saturday. Thankfully I was able to get all the reservations scheduled.

First stop was PJs Coffee in N Richland Hills for a coffee flight. I am in a group on Facebook called Fort Worth Foodies and someone mentioned their coffee flight and beignets. Um, hello, you had me at beignets! We both chose two different coffees, two hot and two cold and placed our order. PJs had comfy couches so we settled in and waited for our order. The hot coffees were Butter Rum and Cookie Butter – both were delicious! The cold coffees were cold brews – Jingle Bells and Santas Blend. We preferred the hot coffees, however, we would definitely go back for the beignets – it made me miss NOLA!

Next, we went to our favorite salon for a pedicure. Pedicures has a place in our monthly budget. I believe self care is important and it is time spent together as well. I was able to secure our favorite techs, Tiffany and Linda, for our reservation. Linda had been on vacation so Stephen has had different techs during her vacation, we loved hearing her stories of her travels and were glad she had time away. He definitely was glad to have her back though!

Not wanting to do a massage on an empty stomach, I once again looked to Fort Worth Foodies to the rescue for lunch. Someone had recommended Hush Sushi in Keller. They have a patio for outside seating as well sushi bar and tables. We had Shishito peppers and BaoBao (braised pork belly, cucumber, scallions with bao bun) for our appetizers. Stephen loves Shishito peppers and they did not disappoint. I had never had BaoBao and was glad to venture out and try something new. The bread and sauce were a little sweet, and the pork belly was tender and very flavorful. Stephen, of course, for his meal ordered sushi and I had a Crazy Ami roll and chicken fried rice. This is definitely a restaurant we would choose again.

Now, we were off to our couples massage. This by far is my favorite part of today though, honestly, I was a little apprehensive. I have trouble laying on my sides, and have not laid on my stomach at all since my surgery and was unsure of how I would handle the pressure. One of my DIEP flap groups on Facebook recommended using a massage breast pillow. OMG – I do not know who came up with this design but it made my experience quite enjoyable. I did not have any difficulties with pressure on my chest area or along my incision. We love having couples massages and I was glad for him to be able to have a some self care to help relieve some of the stress of the past year. We left feeling very relaxed and ready for a nap.

Date days are my favorite, though really any day spent together is my favorite thing to do! Make sure you take time for yourself and time together with your partner. It is important to spend time together to cultivate your relationship.

Have a blessed week

~ deandra